If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
