yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
