i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
