i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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