My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
