bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
