Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
