Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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