is wine microwaveable?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
