JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
