Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
