I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
