I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
