We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
