Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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