Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This house was built for laser tag.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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