I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
