I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
