Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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