I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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