well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
