I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
