i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
