im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
