I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
