Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
