so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
