Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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