like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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