I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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