So gin and wine won't be happening again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
