Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize