Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You smell like stripper and shame
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
