So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
