This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
