Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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