I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
