i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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