Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
