Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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