the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
