They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize