Sponge bath it is.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
