You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
