6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
