We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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