I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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