Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
