I'm jealous of your bromance
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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