tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
