i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize