Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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