So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
