ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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