wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
