1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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