All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
