apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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