I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
