Moan for me like Helen Keller
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize