At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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