Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
