tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
