Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
