I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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