his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
