the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
