well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
