that's an acceptable place to lick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
