I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
