i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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