I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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