Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
