Your tits are I can't wait for
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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