he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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