It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
