She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do herpes really smell.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
