after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize