I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
