doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
