I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
