I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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