I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
