It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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