I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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