I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
