shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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