i wish peter jackson would direct porn
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
