I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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