I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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