Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
