I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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