ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
