FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
