I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
