just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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