Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
