Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
