Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
