hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
